I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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