some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Randomize
