so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
