So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
