She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
