you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
