Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
