i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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