I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Mom said you looked used
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Terrible idea I love it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
