I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
