Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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