I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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