holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
