You made me cry and you don't even care
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
