just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
