he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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