i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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