so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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