the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
