I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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