Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
