Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
