i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
