This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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