even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
