My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
