thus making me awesome and them whores
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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