Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
