I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
