How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Randomize
