the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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