Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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