dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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