you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
