i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
