the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
