gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
