holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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