please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
