I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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