The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
