you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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