"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
