I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
