can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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