margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
