Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
