My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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