I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
