Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
