Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
